Saturday, 21 April 2012

Out with the old, in with the older

As you may have guessed from the absence of recent blog posts, 2012 has, so far, been an incredibly busy year. Working, studying, travelling and socialising have all taken their toll - mostly at the expense of my love life. This has meant I've had far less time to invest in seeking out suitable males to court, which, as a libidinous woman, became highly frustrating.

My body took pleasure in reminding me of how I'd starved it of sexual attention, so much so that I often found myself slipping into a reverie at the most unsuitable times. Once, I was making the short walk to my bank but became so wrapped up in an erotic daydream, I walked straight past it. Not just a few steps past, but almost half a kilometre. Then there was the time I became so aroused on the train, I could feel myself blushing. I could have sworn some of the people around me could tell just by looking at my face.

I decided I could no longer go on as I had throughout the first few weeks of the year. Instead, I decided to take matters into my own hands (so to speak). With no time to seek out new suitors, I decided to find some old ones. No, not the white-haired, wrinkly type, but rather men of my past. Yes, that's right, I recycled.

It didn't matter whether I knew them from five years ago or five months ago, if they were single and I'd been there before, they were fair game. 

The first man I recycled in 2012 was Mr. P.G., whom I once dated for a couple of months about five years ago. We had recently been reacquainted through mutual friends and quickly realised that none of the chemistry had been lost. Mr. P.G. is a very manly man but is never disrespectful, which is partly the reason I decided I'd recycle him.

Physically, he's exactly the type I'd go for - tall, broad shoulders, a hairy chest and the most beautiful eyes I've ever come across. He's also a well-rounded guy - into sports, smart, good job and lovely friends. Not just that, but he also has good taste in music, great banter and is a lovely guy. So, why am I not head over heels in love with him? Well, I don't know. Mr. P.G. is my ideal man, but there's something vital missing and I can't put my finger on it.

Falling back into a casual groove with Mr. P.G. was easy, and not once did he make me regret the decision. In fact, he really rather made me feel good about myself. We shared lingering kisses, one of which I'm sure must have lasted more than an hour, the sex was tender but exciting and he'd make me a bacon sandwich in the mornings. My recycling project was going well.

But, as it was one of those casual relationships where we would only hook up when we saw each other at friends' parties and social gatherings, it means it was often sporadic. Mr. P.G. and I don't text or call each other, but that's the way it's happened and it works. However, not knowing when I might see him again means I had to pursue other avenues in order to scratch the itch that never disappears.

My next recycling project is Mr. D.F., another friend of a friend who I occasionally hook up with but is completely different to Mr. P.G.. Mr. D.F. and I also dated two or three years ago, but it was pretty unsuccessful on every level. I now see Mr. D.F. only when I'm really craving attention. I don't even fancy him anymore and, just as he uses me, I use him to stop myself from ending up pulling a random chauvinist pig at the bar. This prevents me from regretting a decision and feeling low about myself, so I keep Mr. D.F. on a constant back burner.

Mr. D.F. is a nice guy and he certainly has the gift of the gab, but he always skips foreplay and heads straight in for the kill. He's also not as considerate as Mr. P.G., but he's not as selfish as other guys I've been with. There will also never be a quiet moment with Mr. D.F.. In fact, I'm fairly certain he has ADD. But I don't mind, as I only hook up with him three or four times a year, so it doesn't grate me as much as it might if I saw him regularly.

Then there's J, who I'm not sure if I consider a recycling project or not. It's always been an ongoing thing, it's just a shame it's limited to when I'm in the UK. Our relationship is like one of those drawn out stories in a movie, except ours doesn't have the happy ending. You can't not be emotionally tied to someone you've been in a sexual relationship with for nine years. My relationship with J has outlasted some of my friendships. We text, call and Skype at least once a week and every time it comes to seeing him in the UK, I get butterflies in my stomach.

We've been seeing each other so long, J and I are almost inseparable. I'm not sure we'll ever stop what we're doing until I meet a guy I'm serious about and who is serious about me. We've reached a stage where it's become difficult to stop seeing each other, even when we fight and argue, we always put our differences aside and reconcile. Over the years, I've come to love J so much. Sometimes it's hard to swallow that we probably won't ever end up together, but just knowing he's a constant in my life is so comforting. 

Having known each other so long, we also know each others' sexual style inside out. J is probably the only guy in the world who knows exactly how I like it, and the time we've invested in each other has certainly paid off. He can flick me on like a switch, and he's so in tune with my body, he can make me orgasm in minutes. We're also so comfortable with one another, we're not shy and we have a lot of fun. It really is like sleeping with my best friend, who I happen to have great chemistry with and find very attractive.

My final recycling project so far this year is someone who makes my friends shake their heads when I tell them I've seen him. He's someone who I shouldn't give the time of day to. He's someone who is so deluded when it comes to women, he forgets our lives don't revolve around him. He is full of self-importance, yet he is so far removed from reality, he doesn't have the ability to reflect inward. His name is Mr. P.L.

I won't go into why I recycled Mr. P.L., I'll go into that in my next blog post, but I did and it has fluctuated between pure hedonistic encounters and borderline psychotic tendencies. It's not a healthy relationship and I know it, yet I go back for more. It's as if I can let myself go with Mr. P.L., saying and doing whatever I like, because nothing will make me as crazy as him. 

The sex is kinky and satisfying, but Mr. P.L.'s attitude stinks and it definitely brings down the overall sexual experience. Being the arrogant cock that he is, Mr. P.L. doesn't realise women need a little affection for us to consider the experience a good one. We don't judge a sexual encounter based on the sex alone - the way a man treats us will also affect his overall rating. Mr. P.L. either doesn't realise this, or he's so selfish that he doesn't care to entertain it, as he wants the woman out as quickly as possible.

Mr. P.L. and I did embark upon a short sexual relationship this year but, as you can imagine, it was a mental and draining experience, and it has recently come to a not-so-friendly end. This is probably one recycling project that I should finally lay to rest on the scrap heap. Like an electrical appliance with loose wires — you think you need it, but it's too dangerous and should be discarded. After all, we don't want the place to catch fire...

Recycling men has benefits - it keeps the notches on my bedpost from reaching an absurd number, it requires less small talk and I know how the guy likes it. It's the bad girls way of keeping a (relatively) good girl image. But it also has drawbacks. Being sexually involved with a guy over prolonged periods of time can result in emotional attachment and, if the feeling isn't reciprocated, it can lead to heartache. That's why I recycle a number of guys, never relying on one of them to satisfy my needs and therefore limiting the chances of me becoming too involved. Overall, I think recycling is a great way of scratching the reoccurring itch, so to speak. And, as long as the guys aren't complete arseholes, there's no reason it shouldn't result in some healthy, casual fun.

Now, for those of you who want to read all the details (trust me, they're highly entertaining) about my recycling of Mr. P.L., a blog post will be up very soon...