The Friendly Face

It's always strange when you hear your ex is over you and back on the dating scene, but for me, it was even stranger. Or should that be familiar? That's right, I've heard reports that X is back on the dating scene... with my friends.

I'm not overly bothered by it, as he's not seeing close friends of mine, but I still find it weird for some reason. One of the girls is someone I work with and have mutual friends with, the other is a little closer to me as I've known her five years. She and I worked together in London before I moved to Dubai. We used to go out as a big group of girls but she's no Little Miss LC to me.

There is something, deep down, that does make me feel a little nauseous though. I'm not sure if I'm concerned what the girls will think of X, thus reflecting on me, whether it's what X will think of the girls, or if I just can't bear the thought of X having sex when I'm not.

It's not like I want him to hold back on dating until I'm ready to settle down and find a man of my own, so why does it make me feel odd? Do all girls feel this way after a break up? Is it a race between you and your ex to reach coupledom smugness? Or is it just Dubai and the way you can't sneeze without the entire community knowing about it?

Are we that deprived of choice in this city that we feel the need to recycle friends' cast-offs? And why do I feel weird about this but organising a 'one girl's trash is another girl's treasure' singles party is fine? Did my ties with X run deeper than I originally thought when we broke up? Or is it that neither of them have mentioned anything to me?

I have no intention of getting back with X , the feeling's just not there anymore, but are girls not supposed to have a little chat about it first? You know, check there are no hard feelings there. I mean, I could still be hung up on the guy. I'm not, but I could have been. 

At the end of the day, I don't mind if they're together. After all, X and I broke up five months ago, I ended with him and I've moved on since then. I guess I just didn't want to hear it from someone else.

Anyway, I wish them both the best of luck, they're both lovely people and probably far better suited than X and I ever were. But I've made a note to myself not to date a friend's ex before I've had a little chat with her about it first. It's just the courteous thing to do.

The X Factor

It was silly of me to have thought things would be plain sailing after ending my relationship with X. There are ALWAYS reprocussions from a break-up – either I realise I’ve mad a mistake, he finds a new girl within a week and parades he around like a Gucci man-bag, he goes psycho and spreads viscious rumours / generally make my life miserable or he just won’t let go.

Thankfully it’s nothing too dramatic, he’s just suffering the after effects of a break-up and refusing to let go… Problem is, I don’t know how to handle it. I certainly don’t want to lead him on and break his heart but at the same time I don’t want to not see him as friends.

At the weekend, I agreed to meet him as I don’t want it to be one of those break-ups where we can’t bear to be in the same room as each other. He told me he had a surprise for me and would pick me up just before 4pm.

As if like clockwork, he arrived and off we went down Sheikh Zayed Road heading towards Abu Dhabi. I didn’t have a clue where we were going, despite me begging him to tell me.

It soon became evident he was taking me shooting. I momentarily panicked thinking he might flip into a rage because I’d ended it and shooting me dead. I couldn’t get Nancy Sinatra’s Bang Bang out of my head… Bang bang, he shot me down, Bang bang, I hit the ground, Bang bang, that awful sound, Bang bang, my baby shot me down… Arghhh!!

Turns out he didn’t flip into a rage and we actually had a really good time shooting. And I was pretty good at it, my bullets tearing through the bull’s eye on several occasions. After shooting we went to Magic Planet to play Air Hockey, which I always win against X. Perhaps he thought by doing activities I was better at than him would win me over?

After Air Hockey and an iced coffee, it got to the stage where we were saying “what do you want to do?” and then not coming up with any ideas. That, for me, is a date killer. If you can’t just have fun in each others’ company without the need to do something exciting, then it’s not really going to work. I love trying new and adventurous things but it can’t be the basis of a relationship… Eventually, I’ll run out of money!

So, I asked X to take me home and he obliged. Literally. As in, he didn’t just drop me off, but came into the flat. I flopped on the couch and drifted off for a little snooze whilst he sat next to me not doing a lot. Then he said he was going to clear out the last of his stuff and go home. I agreed and said I had a lot to do, like make my lunch for the week and wash my bedsheets. To which he then piped up “I’ll do it for you”.

Now, that’s sweet and I appreciate the sentiment but the thing is; I want a man, not a maid! I know he’s just trying to win back my affections, the big sister saw him out on Friday night and he quizzed her about what he should do because he was really missing me.

So now the question is, how do I stop leading him on without hurting him? Or do I have to cause him pain for him to move on? I couldn’t bear to hurt him, the very thought of it saddens me, but I don’t want to give him false hope because in the long run that will hurt him more. Or he’ll hate me and I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I care too deeply about him.

The thing is, what if he sees me out with another guy? Surely I should tell him before he finds out for himself? Or maybe I should just not see him as much? That way it might be a gradual realisation that it’s not going to happen… Or maybe I’m a bitch for not being a bitch and letting him know? So many dilemmas. I’ll let you know what happens…

Countdown to seeing S… 3 days!!!

Home Alone

I'm not sure what it is; whether it's the realisation it's the end of an era or the fact it's dawned on me that I'm back on the single-shelf, but watching X leave the apartment today was hard. I had no idea it'd be this sad.

So I've moaned about his stuff taking up my wardrobe space and how he's in the shower for more than 20 minutes when I need to get ready for work, but when he left this evening, I shed a tear. A few actually. Perhaps I just needed to get it out of my system, after all this was my first serious relationship and I'd never ended it with a guy before - I was always the one that was dumped before it even began.

As I crawled into bed this evening, I noticed a present he'd left on my pillow. It was a DVD boxset of one of my favourite British dramas (no, I'm not telling you what it is for the sheer embarrassment of it). In the bag were also some of my favourite chocolates. I know most girls won't think it's a big deal, but for me, it was, as X was never really one to buy me flowers or chocolates. In fact, romance wasn't really very high on his agenda, which I guess makes this gift that extra special. Although it could be that I'm just a little emotional.

It's weird, we've not slept in the same bed for well over a month as we've both been away, but it saddens me knowing we're both here but he's not here. It's not that we were an overtly affectionate couple but I'm surprised at how, well, empty my bed feels. I've been fine the last two weeks whilst he's been away, so why now am I upset? Is it something that takes time? How long is it before I've adjusted back to single life? Or does feeling this way mean I don't really want this?

And I thought it was confusing being dumped. All those questions you ask yourself like 'why doesn't he like me? Am I ugly? Is my sense of humour that bad? Did he see that huge zit on my chin?'. But at least with being dumped it's all released through anger - the Alanis Morissette blaring in the background, throwing things around your bedroom, deleting his number and text messages and erasing him from your Facebook friends. They're all great ways of getting some closure. 

Ahh, closure, the word that everyone dreads. Guys hate it, girls need it. Question is, do I? Is that what I'm missing? When my relationship with X ended, there was no slanging match or slamming of doors, nor was there one last really hot sex session. Do those things really help you move on?

As the dumper, I'm not angry and finding the right release for my emotions is hard. I've chosen tears for now but I'm not sure they really represent how I'm feeling. As a professional communicator, aka PR darling, I'm guessing my release will be to bend my friends' ears about it. Girlfriends always have a solution and I'm looking forward to hearing their advice.

It seems there's no way out of a relationship unscathed, whether you're the dumper or dumpee, if it's done face-to-face or by text, if it's mutual or not, at least one of us is always going to get hurt. I'm just hoping the road to recovery isn't a long one.

Oh yes it's ladies night and the feeling's right...

Tuesday nights in Dubai are infamous. It usually involves groups of gossiping girls guzzling free cocktails at one of the city’s sleazier watering holes, whilst inspecting the room for hot men. Yesterday was no exception.

Ladies Night… Six girls (and one token guy) took to Emirates Towers to discuss shoes, shopping and sex. We even talked about how to smuggle our Ann Summers friends into the country, with one suggestion being to unscrew it and place your toothbrush where the batteries are supposed to be held. Although trying to explain to immigration why your toothbrush holder looks like a giant penis with a dwarf rabbit hanging off the end may be slightly more embarrassing than first thought! Nonetheless, it was the best suggestion offered.

Another topic of conversation was my outfit, as instead of going home and getting ready to go out, as any normal girl would, I left work to head to Dubai Mall (which shits all over Shepherd Bush’s Westfield by the way) to pick myself up a new dress. The previous night, I had been watching Sex and the City with Miss LC when there was a scene with Carrie wearing a gorgeous green satin skirt, white blouse and sky high heels. Miss LC commented that nobody could pull off that outfit other than SJP herself. But alas, I spotted a fab green satin skirt in the sales and thought I’d try to pull it off anyway…

After a whirlwind spree, I’d purchased one green satin skirt, one white blouse, two bras, a dress, three pairs of shoes, three necklaces, two pairs of earrings and a partridge in a pear tree. Ok, the partridge bit was a lie. Still, it was quite some feat I thought.

Scurrying into the ladies loos with all my purchases, I tried to sneak into the baby changing room for a bit more space to change, and also to lower the probability of me losing an item of clothing down the toilet bowl. It didn't happen, the immaculately dressed attendant directed me straight back to the ladies bogs.

After banging my elbows on the cubicle door and scratching my own thigh trying to tactfully manoeuvre out of my work skirt, I managed to slip into my new outfit and emerge looking like a brunette version of Carrie Bradshaw after a cake and pie addiction. Ho hum, at least I have a cleavage to be proud of.

After changing in the toilets, I then had to shuffle through the Emirati-packed mall in 6 inch heels, a short skirt and a blouse with so many buttons undone even Jodie Marsh would have been proud. It was shameful and by the time I reached the taxi rank, I felt like a fully-fledged ho bag. Funny thing is, this was a conservative outfit for me. I needn’t have worried though... Minutes later, I arrived at Emirates Towers and my attire was back to being conservative. The outfits some of the girls in Scarlett’s were trying to pull off were outrageous. Clothes that really should be kept for the likes of J.Lo. And hookers. Although, perhaps these girls in Scarlett’s were hookers?

Emirates Towers, I would normally describe as one of the classier establishments in Dubai. Filled with high-end boutiques and home to several offices occupied by international companies, it has the perfect recipe to be filled with beautiful, intelligent people. But somehow, Scarlett’s seems to evade from its responsibility to maintain a certain standard of class. Perhaps, on a Tuesday, that has something to do with the number of free cocktails offered to women upon entry?

Taking a scan around the room, like an owl of a field, I quickly came to the conclusion that there were no cute guys in Scarlett’s, but I had a back-up plan. Yep, I invited K. For those of you who don’t know, K is my cheeseburger. I dated him three years ago but it ended in tears… my tears. I’m the reason he broke his leg but I’m also the one who looked after him when he was hobbling around on crutches. After it ended, I didn’t see much of K. He started dating another girl and I was too busy eating ice cream out of the tub and watching tear-jerking rom-coms to care.

Anyway, back to last night. So, K came along to Scarlett’s and it was nice to see him. It was like the old days, teasing and flirting. Then K told me he’s leaving Dubai and moving to Amsterdam... at the end of the month! Not the most devastating news but something inside me sank a little, after all he was still an option. Well, now he’s just an option for the next week or so and I might as well make the most of it, starting right now.

We moved on from sleazy Scarlett’s over to Harry Ghatto’s, an excellent move instigated by myself and E. I immediately put in my request to sing Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know. Anyone who knows me can verify I rarely sing anything else, but this time it had a bit more meaning to it. Not only had a been through similar emotions, as the song depicts, with K but Jagged Little Pill was one of the first albums we bonded over.

In the bar, K sat with three good-looking girls and chatted away to them whilst I sang along to everyone else's karaoke song and chugged champagne. Now, my attempts at subtlety are usually pretty weak, but I think I managed to conceal any desires I had of seducing K by encouraging him to chat to the girls at the bar.

On such occasions in the past, my plan has often backfired and the guy I was interested in would end up going home with one of the ladies I’d encouraged him to chat with. That would make sense, right? Except in my head I’d be outraged. Why? Seriously, what kind of numb skull tries to set up the guy she likes with the hot girl at the bar wearing a plunging neckline? To be honest, I’m not sure why I do it. I guess I’m testing the waters, you know, to find out if the guy actually likes me or if he’s willing to slope off home with some dirty blonde.

As it happens, despite K being sat with the girls for almost the entire duration we were in the karaoke bar, he didn’t go home with any of them. Nor did he seem too interested. In fact, he even engaged in some flirty, jokey, put-down type banter with me in front of them. It was endearing as it was a side to K I’d not really seen before.

In the meantime, whilst all this was happening, E was in conversation with another cute German guy and M was there for moral support. It went well, or so I hear...

After my pretty damn angry rendition of You Oughtta Know, K and I left. No, not like that. At least not yet. On the way out, I commented on his lack of effort with the girls at the bar but he seemed pretty uninspired by them. Something I found most unusual. The drive home was even more like old times than our flirty banter in the bar had been. I love that nostalgic feeling and reminiscing brings me such happiness.

It’s probably the reason why I still see J every time I go back to the UK, I have so many fond memories of him – the first date, the music we listened to when driving home, the first kiss etc. There’s also the fact that it’s still new and exciting, despite having been together before. You also know what you’re in for. By that I mean there’s no gasps when he drops his pants, and you know he doesn’t have any insane sex fetishes! I know many girls would disagree with me - a lot of my girlfriends tell me to move forwards, but why? It’s not like I’m getting into a relationship. I mean which is worse, taking home an ex or taking home someone you’ve just met?

Pulling up outside my building, I desperately wanted to invite K up, but something held me back from making the initial move. Asking me for a kiss, I gave him a peck on the cheek. Asking for another one, I gave him a lingering kiss on the other cheek. I felt he had plenty of opportunity to turn his head a little to kiss me, but he didn’t, so I took it as a sign he wasn’t interested. Although, I’m not convinced. After dwelling on it, something tells me we were both just too chicken shit to make a move.

As I stepped out of the car and walked towards the building door, K flashed his headlights at me, but I just turned my head, gave him a smile and continued through the door. I was half expecting him to shout after me or give me a call, but he didn’t and I guess that kind of thing only happens in movies and I was just romanticising. I’m a little disappointed nothing happened but at the same time, I’m pleased I didn’t. There's someone else I’d rather hold out for...