Sex with a sociopath

My choice in men is, at best, questionable and, at worst, downright madness. Recently, the latter has been more applicable. Just as men love a crazy girl because the sex is hot, I love a crazy guy for the same reason. But, this time, I went beyond sleeping with a guy who was just a little kooky... I was involved with sexual sociopath.

From the offset, I knew this guy had deep, psychological issues. It was obvious. His lack of charm and affection, his tendency to blow hot and cold and his preference for kinky bedroom activities were all indicators of his dark personality. Although, it took some time for me to realize just how dark he was…

At first, I mistook him for being a stoic – seemingly unmoved whether I treated him with affection or aversion. Then I considered that, perhaps, like many men I’d been involved with in the past, he was a player. But it soon dawned on me that he was certainly no player, even though he tried to convince me otherwise.

It wasn’t his sexual deviancy that led me to believe he was a misguided soul, rather his inability to amalgamate sexual activity with any kind of emotion. It occurred to me that, during the handful of times we’d been intimate, we had only kissed a couple of times, both of which I’m fairly certain I had initiated. And there was only one occasion where we had fallen asleep whilst cuddled up to one another – a moment he will likely consider to be one of weakness.

Ordinarily, I’d think very little of such an embrace but, because this slight showing of affection was so out of character, it held a small amount of significance to me. Either consciously or subconsciously, I think he sensed that because, when we awoke in the morning, he threw me out of his apartment in the most ungentlemanly manner. Needless to say, it was the last time we were intimate.

When I looked back over our fucked-up affair, I realise how imbalanced he was. He’s incredibly ambitious and creative, but also fastidious and detached. If I hadn’t been physically and, to some extent, emotionally involved with him, it’s likely I’d have described him as intelligent. However, his lack of social skills and emotional detachment were so severe that I questioned his overall aptitude.

During the time we spent together, and when we conversed, he demonstrated a lack of concern towards my feelings. Despite my expectations being low to begin with, he remained unable to express even the slightest bit of respect for me. On the occasions when I pointed out he was treating me with contempt, in no way did he seem to feel guilty or show remorse. It was as though he was cut off from any sort of feelings beyond those of sexual gratification.


Whilst he may be a sociopath, that’s not to say he’s a demon – think Russell Brand (with less sex appeal) rather than Dexter. I never felt threatened by him, but I realised his lack of concern for anyone but himself could have been hurtful. Women who do become emotionally involved with him will be manipulated, chewed up and spat out. No amount of pleading or attempts to reason with him will change this.

Dr. Martha Stout, a Harvard Medical School psychiatrist, listed out some characteristics of a sociopath in her book ‘The Sociopath Next Door’. These characteristics included; egocentricity, callousness, exaggerated sexuality, an antagonistic nature, a depreciating attitude toward the opposite sex and a lack of interest in bonding with a sexual partner. All of these traits, unarguably, applied to this guy. Sociopaths are known for being oversexed, and whilst I don’t think he’s a player (he lacks the charm needed to enrapture a woman), I do think he’ll do whatever it takes to satisfy his carnal desires.

He’s like Aladdin’s cave - a deep character with so many hidden treasures but unlikely to let anyone explore it - touch anything and it will all cave in. Whilst no-strings attached sex can be great, if you never let anyone scratch beyond the surface, you’ll never experience some of life’s more intense pleasures...