It’s no big secret that I engage in casual
relationships. In fact, I can be rather fond of them if the guy isn’t a
complete dickhead. But that’s the thing though, isn’t it? Most guys are
complete dickheads.
I don’t understand why men think that just
because you’re having a casual relationship, respect and decency can be thrown
out of the window. It’s as though they go out of their way to prove to you they
don’t want to get into anything serious. As if the slightest bit of
communication or affection from them might trigger women to fall head over
heels in love with them. Unlikely.
An example of this complete lack of respect
happened to me not so long ago. One evening, I was feeling the need to get a
little physical, so I sent a text to the guy I was currently hooking up with,
telling him I’d be coming over. He’s usually the obsequious type, so I thought
he’d be accommodating, particularly as it had been a few weeks since we’d seen
each other.
He eventually replied to my message,
telling me he was across the other side of town at someone’s place. My response
was ‘So? Make your way back’. I wasn’t in the mood for messing around, I wanted
to cut to the chase and get some action. But, being the rather arrogant and insensitive
guy that he is, he thought he’d tell me he was with another girl.
That drove me insane. Who the fuck did this
guy think he was? No girl needs to hear that. Ever. No matter how casual my
relationship is with a guy, I do not want to hear him telling me he’s fucking
some other girl. Yeah, I know it happens - it was only a week earlier that I
was with J - but I would never tell the guy that. It’s rude, unnecessary and
potentially hurtful, and that’s what drove me over the edge.
As a woman, you do invest some level of
emotion into any sort of relationship, casual or not. That doesn’t mean I want
to marry the guy and have his babies, but it does mean I respect him and
wouldn’t be so callous as to imply I was sleeping with another guy. So to
receive a message from him like that was shocking. And, yes, I’ll admit it, I
was hurt. What girl wouldn’t be? He clearly had no regard for how it might make
me feel, which was a little disappointing.
What he received from me in return was a
flood of drunken abuse. I was outraged and I did not intend to let it lie. He
obviously didn’t care what I thought of him, so I didn’t care what he thought
of me. Problem was, I also lost sight of what I thought of myself. Upon sober
reflection, I realized I may have gone slightly overboard on the abuse but, at
the time, I was fuming and I wanted to make that very clear to him.
It’s funny, the entire episode was
reminiscent to an incident at university, when I was sort of seeing this guy,
Mr. D.F., who was in the year above me. It was Halloween and we were at a party
at the student union. I was dressed in a black PVC nurses outfit and, after a
few drinks, I managed to lure Mr. D.F. back to my room at the halls of
residence for a quickie.
After we’d had sex (and I remember this so
clearly), he got up, wiped his cock on my duvet and told me how much he wanted
to fuck the girl with the blonde curly hair, who had been stood near us at the
bar. I was mortified. At the time, I was so stunned, I didn’t say anything, but
that moment has haunted me ever since.
Now that I’m older and (hopefully) wiser, I
realise how humiliating and cruel such statements are. Back then, I probably
thought I wasn’t good enough, but I now know the opposite is true. I know it’s a
bit of a cliché, but guys who make those sorts of statements are cowardly and
insecure. What’s wrong with saying “I think you’re a great girl but… I can’t
give you what you need/this is getting too serious/you’re not the one”?
These days, I’d go as far as to say I despise
men who think they’re better than the women they’re sleeping with. In Dubai,
men seem to suffer from sanctimony far more than their counterparts in other
parts of the world do. Perhaps their perception is one of ‘when in Rome…’.
Whatever their reasoning, it’s disgraceful behaviour. Stop being dickheads and
have a little respect.
