Seven thousand nine hundred and ninety six

There are over 100,000 Brits in Dubai. Supposedly 72% of Dubai's population are men. So if my calculations are correct, that means there are 72,000 British men in Dubai but we'll knock it down to 50,000 as that 72% includes an incredibly high number of Sub-Continent labourers.

Now, I'm not expecting all 50,000 male, British expats to be single or under 40, so we'll say half are single, and half of those are under 40. Then we'll estimate that a third of whoever's left is passable on the looks front. That means there are just over 8,000 Brit-boy hotties in this city. So, my question is... Where are they?

Now, I know I've had liaisons with about five or six of these guys already, but that still leaves 7,996 of them to discover! Let's face it, it's not like I lock myself away at home and I'm hardly the shy and retiring type. I venture out. I've trawled Dubai's nightclubs on many occasions, checking out the latest hotspots and the talent it may or may not host. I attend the events on Dubai's must-do social calendar -the Rugby 7's, the world cup, they're all there. So why is it so hard to spot cute guys?

Seriously, where do they hang out? Is it in the freezer aisle at Spinney's? Border's at Mall of the Emirates? Or are they all at the gym on a Friday night? Come on boys, we know you're out there, so why hide? Does the benevolent charmer feel intimidated by Dubai's women? With a reputation for being gold-digging, high maintenance Barbie dolls, I wouldn't be surprised if most men run for cover from the perfectly manicured claws. Or is that precisely what they're looking for and the reason us down-to-earth gals are barely given a glance, never mind a second one!

Not satisfied with my club trawling and shop hunting, I've decided to open my options to discover exactly where these 7,996 good-looking, intelligent Brit boys might be. I'm starting at the gym...

Not one for physical activity outside of the bedroom, I figured 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' and have signed myself up to a month's worth of kickboxing torture at Safa Park. Three time a week. That's right, I've joined a bootcamp. Yep, for one month, I'm sacrificing 850 Dirhams worth of dresses, shoes and cosmopolitans in a bid to find Mr. Right. Or at least Mr. Right Now. And let me tell you, that was no easy decision to make.

So boys, have a little heart and make some effort too. If you're cute, come over, say hi, we can talk about Man City splashing the cash, you're new 35 inch wheels on the Jeep or simply where you like to hang out. Don't worry, I won't scratch...