What Men Want

Is it just me, or are men the most confusing things on Earth? I'm sure Isaac Newton had an easier time working out gravity than I do what's going through a man's mind!

At first, I wasn't sure whether I'd bother contacting Mr.PL or not. Not because the sex wasn't hot, not because he wasn't interesting or attractive, but because I just didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I absolutely despise the ball being in the guy's court. It comes from years of disappointment and let downs; whether it's just flirting, engaging in a casual fling or having a full blown relationship. I always imagine their smug faces when they hear from me, thinking, "Yeah, she's well into me and I just couldn't give a fuck. I'm the fucking man!" Eugh!! You twats.

Despite my initial reluctance, a few days later, I thought I'd drop Mr.PL a cheeky email. It's the least personal form of communication, which was ideal for the message I wanted to get across. The content, however, was personal. It referred to a conversation we'd had about a mutual interest but it was also intimate. Short and sweet, I was hoping he'd catch my drift.

At the time, I wasn't overly bothered whether Mr.PL emailed me back or not, but as the hours passed, I found myself becoming more and more obsessed with the email. Fuck! Had I let him get the better of me? Had I reopened the door of disappointment? I spent all day refreshing my emails, waiting for a reply, and it's driven me crazy. How did I make such a rookie mistake?

From Mr.PL being someone I had fun with but wasn't too fussed about, he has now become someone that pops into my head, uncontrollably, every five bloody minutes. And I hate it. I also hate him. Seriously, who the fuck does he think he is not replying to my email? And why did he bother giving me his business card in the first place if he had no intention of responding to me when I contacted him? I'd have quite happily walked out of his apartment that day and not looked back. But no, he had to dangle the metaphoric carrot in front of my face, the bastard. Not only that, but I initially snubbed his card for this very reason (which is why I ended up receiving it in two halves, after he seemed offended and ripped it)!

Anyway, this incessant need for an email from Mr.PL has led me to question myself and why he hasn't replied to me. Am I too fat? Am I not interesting enough? Am I not intelligent enough? Did I email too soon and now he thinks I'm needy? Is it because I threw Kettle chips around the apartment in a drunken rage? God, the questions just go on and on and I have no answers. Then I take a step back and think; "fuck him".

It's not like I'm some air-head bimbo, sucking some 50 year old man's cock, in the hope he'll buy me a Tiffany necklace. No, I'm a well travelled, well educated, sociable girl who goes for guys on a similar level. I have some pretty cool hobbies, great friends and I work damn hard to get what I want from life; so what's missing? Or is it that guys actually do prefer inferior women? Someone who will depend on them entirely, so that they know they're in control?

Perhaps it's that I'm too full on? God, I really hope I'm not! I know reading this blog you'd probably think I was, but you have to remember that these are all my honest thoughts, stripped down and bare, for everyone to see — don't mistake my heart-on-sleeve attitude with being full on.

So, even though I'd like to continue where I left off with Mr.PL, I don't think I'll contact him again. Well, not unless I feel like telling him he's a wanker. As for me, I know my email obsession will fade away in a few days if he doesn't reply to me. Mr.PL was good, but not that good.